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[schmoomom]

I'm in my fog again. I don't get it. I hate being me. I'm not a good mom, I'm mad that DH postponed mother's day and then forgot about it. I don't want to use my free time to do stuff for teh house. I feel like I'm losing me. The house is a wreck, my mother is always looking around and cleaning it up. I don't want to be around P. I'm floating. I'm tired of it.

Comments

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, I'm really worried about you. It sounds like you're really worried about you, too, which is good. Are you talking to anyone professional about this stuff? I know I always say this, but it sounds like you need to get a break somehow, get to do some fun stuff, reconnect with things that excite you, that kind of thing. Maybe it's time to go back to Ireland? You're always welcome to come visit us, with or without either or both of the boys. But you need to shake loose of this, one way or another. What can I do that will help?

[schmoomom.livejournal.com]

I'm getting over it. I'm changing the time I'm taking the medicine, to make it more in the daytime, which I think will help. We're talking about going back early, but then I'll feel a bit like a failure. I'm trying to figure out my next step, and B is so worried, I think. He's offered to stop working so that I can have more time, but that would make me worry about moolah :-). I dunno...I wish I could put my thoughts into words better...

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better. If switching the timing doesn't work, also think about getting back to the doctor and trying something else. If what you're doing isn't working for you, then it's not you who is failing. Committing to something past the point that it makes sense isn't commitment, it's just idiocy. [Obvious analogy to current events omitted.] I'm glad to hear that Brendan is taking this seriously and thinking creatively about how to make changes.

I'm probably projecting my own needs onto you, but it seems to me as if what you need is more people around you, more opportunities to interact and be stimulated by external sources. The net just doesn't supply that. Just a thought, but are you and B. really spending time together? I know how easy it is for one's husband to disappear inside the box, stranding the loving wife back in the real world.

If you wanna talk in real time, you know you're always welcome to call!